DO NOT BE FRIENDS OR MARRY A PERSON GIVEN TO ANGER OR WHO IS SHORT-TEMPERED. DO YOU AGREE OR NOT?
Have you ever lived with an individual who is given to anger? That is one of the most difficult things to do. These set of people are the most difficult set of people to have around.
Proverbs 29:22 “A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression”
Anger: An angry or violent disagreement between two people or groups of people. Looking at the definition of the word anger, the keyword “feeling” appeared. Feelings are a product of our dominant thoughts, and our dominant thought is the product of the kind of information we allow into our mind, through the gate-way of our physical senses. This information creates convictions that program our conscious and sub-conscious mind.
We will be discussing the causes of Anger in an individual given to it. How that person is bound to always transgress and how a short-tempered person can cause other people to transgress away from the teachings of God, how you can be able to handle people given to anger, and finally how short-tempered people can overcome anger.
WHAT DO I MEAN WHEN I SAY “DO NOT BE FRIENDS OR MARRY ANYONE GIVEN TO ANGER OR WHO IS SHORT-TEMPERED”.
Proverbs 22:24 “Make no FRIENDSHIP with a MAN GIVEN TO ANGER, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare”.
1. FRIENDSHIP: A friend is someone you KNOW WELL and you LIKE. This person is not a member of your family. If you get acquainted with a person and you eventually get to find out about his/her anger issues, please keep a distance away from the person, least you learn his/her ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
Why support the ways of a person given to strife? Why do you agree with them? Simple, the word of God doesn’t dwell in you richly. Only fellow fools support the ways of a person given to anger.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Be not quick to anger, for ANGER LODGES IN THE BOSSOM OF FOOLS”.
Who is a fool? A fool is a person who is ignorant of the scriptures (the logos), in so doing he has no revelation (the Rhema) and power that comes from the secret place of prayers to do the logos and the Rhema that comes from God.
Therefore, when you support the ways of an angry person, it shows that you too are a fool. Unless two agree, they cannot work together. Never agree with the ideologies of a person given to anger.
Proverbs 29:22 “A man of wrath stirs up strife, and a man given to anger cause much transgression”
The ways of a person given to anger causes transgression or makes him/her to abound in sin.
2. MARRIAGE: Friendship in many cases leads to marriage. In marriage the bossy and aggressive nature of short-tempered person, be it the wife or the husband; tend to subdue the other partner in meeting up with their demands. Most of the times these demands are not in alignment with the will of God. If the partner fails in meeting up with their demands: there will be a rain of hell fires in the house. Non-stop quarrels and complains will be the order of the rest of the day. For the purpose of peace to co-exist between the couple, the patient partner subject to the short-tempered partner. This can lead to some certain mental-health illness like depression. The patient partner is scared of expressing his/her feelings because of the fear of the wrath of the short-tempered partner.
Proverbs 29:25 “The FEAR OF MAN LAYS A SNARE, but whoever trusts in the lord is safe”.
A person given to anger will want to use his/her anger to induce fear in you to do his/her expectations. This can lay a snare for your life. Be courageous and full of faith and trust in the lord your God.
THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF ANGER
A little Recap on the definition of anger. “An angry or violent disagreement between two people or groups of people”. Looking at the definition of the word anger, the keyword “feeling” appeared.’
Another definition of Anger says “A strong FEELING that you have when something has happened that you THINK is bad and unfair to you or to anybody else.”
I want you to pay attention to the words in capital letters. “FEELING” and “THINK”. Feelings, has to do with your emotions. Thinking has to do with your mindset: your perception and interpretation of situations and people’s behaviors.
Feelings are completely dependent on what you think at a given period of time. Your feeling produces Actions. IT IS THE POWER OF YOUR WILL THAT YOU USE TO COUNTER THE PROMPTING OF YOUR FEELINGS TO PRODUCE A NEW FORM OF ACTION.
For example, when you have two options before you to choose either to have sexual intimacy with a person whom you are not married to or not to have; it is the power of your will that you will use to counter the prompting of your feelings. Your feelings most of the times align with the demands of the flesh. Saying “NO” despite the feeling of sexual arousal that you are facing at that moment is what I call: DISCIPLINE OR SELF-CONTROL.
Proverbs 25:28.” A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls”.
Now the central processing Unit of your soul is your mind: What you think and the way you think. The kind of information we consume, program our mind on what to think and how to think. Not forgiving people of their offences can grow into hatred and anger; therefore making you a bitter person.
Proverbs 4:23 says we should guard our heart with all diligence because from out of it flows the issues of life.
This scripture implies that whatever we allow to enter our hearts, if not examined and evaluated properly, will undoubtedly be expressed in our lives and our actions – in positive or negative ways.
The only way to guard your heart from becoming bitter through offences and with all diligence is by completely renewing your mind by the word of God.
Romans 12:2“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
A mind that is not renewed by the word of God, will allow the temperament of the un-saved soul to react ungodly to offenses from people and to situations.
WHY AN ANGERED-DRIVEN PERSON IS BOUND TO LIVE IN SIN.
Sin is simply thinking, saying or doing things that are not the will of God. Since a short-tempered person is not born-again, his mind, will and emotion will be at the mercy of 3 things;
1. His/her temperament
2. The kind of people he/she has as friends, family, and neighbors’ e.t.c.
3. The kind of information he/she consumes.
The kind of information he/she consumes and the people around him/her, if both are not godly respectively, the temperament of a short-tempered person would be badly molded. Temperament is simply a person’s nature as showed in the way they behave or react to situations or people.
HOW SHORT-TEMPERED PEOPLE CAN CAUSE OTHER PEOPLE TO LIVE IN SIN
Proverbs 29:25 “The FEAR OF MAN LAYS A SNARE, but whoever trusts in the lord is safe”.
Proverbs 29:22 “A MAN OF WRATH STIRS UP STRIFE, and A MAN GIVEN TO ANGER CAUSES MUCH TRANSGRESSION”
First of all let us define the meaning of the word “strife”.
Strife: An angry or violent disagreement between two people or groups of people. A man who is given to anger, will use anger and violent to disagree with your Godly ideas. Why? Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Be not quick to anger, for ANGER LODGES IN THE BOSSOM OF FOOLS”.
Earlier on I gave a clear definition of who is a fool.
Short-tempered people, use anger and violence to inject fear into you for the purpose of you meeting up with their expectations. Because of that fear, you end up being intimidated by them and subscribing to their desires. If you don’t, they will unleash their wrath on you. This scares you tremendously. This scenario ensnares you and causes you to live in sin.
It is only through trusting God, that you can subdue them even at the point of them unleashing their wrath. Have faith in God and obey the instructions of God, no matter the circumstances and who is in the circumstances with you. Be like peter in Acts 5:28-29.
Acts 5:28-29 [28] saying, “We strictly charged you not to teach in this name, yet here you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching, and you intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.” [29] But Peter and the apostles answered, “WE MUST OBEY GOD RATHER THAN MEN.
Make a firm decision to obey God rather than men, no matter how short-tempered the person seems.
HOW TO OVERCOME ANGER AS A VICTIM.
Base on the verse, Ecclesiastes 7:9. We get to know that anger is a product of foolishness. We also know who is a fool. From these two facts we can deduce a way to gain freedom from the affliction of ANGER.
1. Repent and be baptized.
Acts 2:37-38 "[37] now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” [38] And Peter said to them, “REPENT AND BE BAPTIZED EVERY ONE OF YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST FOR THE FORGIVENESS OF YOUR SINS, AND YOU WILL RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT".
2. Be a committed member of a church around your area.
3. Be fervent and consistent in prayers.
MATTHEW 26:41 "WATCH AND PRAY, THAT YE ENTER NOT INTO TEMPTATION: THE SPIRIT INDEED IS WILLING, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK".
4. Read and meditate upon the word of God daily.
PSALMS 1:2 "BUT HIS DELIGHT IS IN THE LAW OF THE LORD; AND IN HIS LAW DOTH HE MEDITATE DAY AND NIGHT".
5. Listen to Gospel messages from anointed men of God daily.
ACTS 2:42 "AND THEY CONTINUED STEADFASTLY IN THE APOSTLES' DOCTRINE [TEACHINGS] and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers".
6. Forgive people of their offences.
Luke 17:3-4 "[3] Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. [4]And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him".
7. Ensure to do the will of God.
James 1:20-25
[20]For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
[21]Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.
[22]But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
[23]For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
[24]For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
[25]But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
All these are to allow God through the holy-spirit to exchange your mindset with that of Christ's. When this is done anger will be no where found in you.
REASONS NOT TO MARRY OR BE FRIENDS WITH A PERSON GIVEN TO ANGER.
1. They will cause you to live in sin by using anger and violence to inject fear in you, causing you to do what is wrong in the eyes of God.
2. Peace won't exist in the relationship through consistent disagreement and quarrels.
3. They can harm you or put your live in danger. Anger-driven people, have no control of their spirit. Proverbs 25:28 "If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack".
HOW TO HANDLE A PERSON GIVEN TO ANGER AROUND YOU.
1. Have self-control: it is hard to keep quiet when being shouted on or insulted. Reciprocating aggression for aggression is completely unwise. Two wrongs can't make a right. Its people who are not mature, that will think that not answering someone who is yelling at you is a sign of weakness.
2. Give them space: when someone is raging, don't say a word. Good advice, depart that premises or the place for a while for tempers to cool down.
3. Communicate: when tempers are down, sit down with that person and tell him/her how their behavior is affecting you negatively. Particularly your mental health. Try to understand why that person acted in that manner? These must be done without doing any of the following:
1. Raising the tone of your voice
2. Rendering verbal abuses
3. Rendering blames and accusations.
Your goal is to do the following:
1. Tell him/her how their behavior affects you.
2. Try to understand what triggers them.
3. A better way you two can walk together without the ugly incident happening again.
4. Encourage Therapy: Anger causes hypertension, stroke, and several other illnesses. Encourage the person to seek anger management therapy. You can get support from friends and family to encourage him/her to do that.
5. Your mental health and self-care is important: Distance yourself from anyone who has anger issues and have become abusive and violent. Your spouse, friend or neighbor who is given to anger, can go to the extent of abusing you physically and emotionally. When they begin to engage you physically or begin to render curse or insultive words on you, please distance yourself for your own safety and self-care. In a case of frequent quarrels it is advisable that you distance yourself. Too much of quarrels can affects your mental health.
6. Encourage the person to give him/her time to scriptural meditation and prayers:
Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart".
The word of God has the power to change a person completely. Some psychologist claims that a person's personality can be changed but his behavior can be control. But I tell you the word of God, has the power to not only change a person's personality but to exchange it with the personality of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 2:5 "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus"
CONCLUSIONS
As an Action Christian, living a holy, peaceful, joyful and lovely life is the desire of God for our lives. We are commanded to love and stay in peace with all humans.
Anger is not a fruit of the spirit. So the body of Christ must arise in love to help those tormented by this affliction.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law".
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